The news today is that teachers in Canada have discovered the truth about the pseudo-science known as mathematics. It turns out the rigorous rules we have been employing to build aircraft, automobiles, televisions, and microwaves are actually tools of oppression designed to keep good people down. The shocking truth that Canadian educators have uncovered is that math is racist.

It is difficult for one raised under this tyranny to understand why handing someone the correct change at the grocery store or accurately measuring the required dosage for a prescription is racist. However, better minds than ours have examined this issue from all sides and determined that this is the case. 

The people of Canada can all be grateful that their children will now have a leg up on foreign students who cannot benefit from Canada’s enlightened education format. Canada’s public schools are now an island of sanity, safe from a scourge that continues to plague mankind elsewhere.